Home New Me Links Humor Stuff

The Gazebo

From: chu@acsu.buffalo.edu (John C. Chu)
Subject: Re: The Gazebo?
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.misc

[Note: The following is typed in verbatim from the Mensa Bulletin,
June 1989 p. 15. This was from the Special Interest Groups column.
They were reprinting articles from various SIG news letters. This one
was from the Role-Playing Games SIG. Any typos are mine.]

Eric and the Gazebo

by Richard Aronson

Let us cast our minds back to the early days of fantasy
role-playing... In the early '70s, Ed Whitechurch ran "his game," and
one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man.
This story is essentially true: I knew both Ed and Eric, and neither
denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never
repeats it).

The gist of it is that Eric... well, you need a bit more about Eric.

Eric comes quite close to being a computer.  When he games, he
methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred
option.  If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution.
It has been known to take weeks.  He is otherwise in all respects a
superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and
against him, as long as he is given enough time.

So... Eric was playing a neutral paladin (Why should only lawful, good
religions get to have holy warriors? was the rationale) in Ed's game.
He even had a holy sword, which fought well and did all those things
holy swords are supposed to do, including good or evil (by random die
roll).  He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange

ED: You see a well-groomed garden.  In the middle, on a small hill, you
    see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed
ERIC: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it
              respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to
    destroy it, you could try to chop it wih an axe, I suppose, or you
    could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try.
    It's a @#%$*& gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo,
                            and it catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so
                              I can avenge my paladin...

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a
modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. This is solely an
afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was
not situated on a grassy knoll.

[Reprinted from the SIG's fall '87 Spellbook #13, edited by Corey and
Lori Cole, via Mensanity, Lewis Wasserman, ed. Send your compliments
to the author along with your subscription to the SIG newsletter ($8)
in care of L Mary H. Kelly, 4030 Valley View Lane #233, Farmers Branch,
TX 75244.]

Home New Me Links Humor Stuff